I've never believed in, what I couldn't see.

iMovie - Death Race.

Man, that movie is 'woah'! intense! I gotta say, it is one of the most... well, creative movies ever made. I'm still stunned. For one, I will never ever kill someone or will never ever do something that could put me into jail because it's hell on earth! I don't care which jail. I will never ever wanna go to jail ! EVER.

Anyways.

I can't sleep. It's 3 in the morning and I can't sleep. And while lying there on my bed trying to go to sleep, I had time to think. And I don't like to think. I don't like to think about the past. And when I think, I think about most of the stuffs that happened, and what I should have done to make the things that happened never happens. I guess you can say that I'm living in the past.

And the one thing I really want to go back in time and do it all over again is when I was at Sepang this year for the F1 race. I wish I could go back and grab onto my Germany flag as tight as I can and never let it out of my hands. Every time I think about going for next year's F1, I think back about this years' when I missed the drivers parade and our stupid plan to sneak into the GrandStands. Moment of shame.

Anyhoo. I had time to think about which collage and what I wanna do once I step out of high school. I can't believe 5 years ago I stepped into that school being only 13 year's old. I remember my first official day. I carpooled with Tanya so we could walk in together. And on that day I met Kei, Wheyjinn, Muizz and the rest. And it was a week after that when I met Jia Wen. She was in school with her aunt and she was standing outside the class, me being me said hi to her and I think I scared her abit with my loud voice. haha.

5 years later, I'm writing this post, thinking what am I going to do after high school. I never thought this day would come so fast. Throughout the years, I couldn't wait to finish school. But now when the time's here, I'm thinking that I'm not brave enough to step out of high school and step into collage. It's a whole new world.

And the whole big picture is, I don't know what I wanna do with my life. I don't know which doors to open, which path to take. I don't even know what I wanna become, what I wanna do. I've set my mind to think that I was going to work in some fancy hotel, but when reality hits me, is that really what I wanna do? I don't know.

If only I was born with some useful genes. Like becoming a world class soccer player, or a runner, or a golfer. or a clown or something. I think it's hard leading a path that was chosen for you, but I think it's harder to decide which path to take.

It's really very frustrating. Truth be told, I would really like the idea of me going to Yale. HAHA. Those big structural buildings with brick walls, big compound with green grass, big tall green trees, sleeping in dorms is my idea of collage. Getting away from home, living with roommates, doing my own laundry is my idea of being in collage.

I took a test, and it proves that my 'reality' point isn't high at all. It's below low! Trina is right, I'm living in my own little fantasy world. I wonder why didn't I have an imaginary friend when I was little.

Gosh, I'm still not sleepy! I'm bionic woman. If only I would use this time to study.... The sky will turn green tomorrow! HAHA.